Different people like their touch in different ways and what they enjoy will change as their sexual energy changes

Put on fresh bedding if you are giving the massage on your bed, turn down the lights, light candles, play beautiful music, sprinkle pure essential oils on the bed or have some in a diffuser to fill the space with beautiful scent.’

A beautiful oil is essential for making this experience incredibly sensual,’ she says. I would go so far as to instruct you not to attempt a tantric massage without oil. I personally prefer coconut oil, but others swear by olive oil. Any 100 per cent natural oil extracted from plants is good.’

Make sure you have the time to fully indulge in your partner’s pleasure,’ says Deen. Turn off your phone and your email notifications. If you live with others, make sure you won’t be disturbed by their presence or noise. It’s vital that you can feel completely at ease in your surroundings. There’s nothing more vibe killing than having to rush.’


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To give this type of massage, it’s vital that you are in the right state of mind beforehand,’ explains Deen. To avoid transference of unwanted energy, being calm and centred is key, so spend a few minutes beforehand in a quiet space clearing your thoughts and concentrating on your own breathing, and encourage your partner to do the same.’

How to perform a tantric massage

Once the mood is set, now it’s time to learn the art of tantric massage itself. Here’s our step-by-step guide…


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It’s very easy when you’re giving a massage to worry, Am I doing this right? Have I got the right technique?’ she says. Relax! I cannot stress how important it is when you give a massage that you relax and enjoy the body you are massaging.’

Back of the body

The person receiving the massage lies face down on the bed and the giver spends between 20 minutes and half an hour massaging the back of their body, using plenty of oil,’ she says. Massaging the back of someone’s body is your practise area! Take the time to grow your confidence, sensitivity and, above all, your capacity to give. Become really conscious of the body beneath your palms and fingertips, observe how it reacts to different types of touch and different pressures. It’s your job as the giver to read the signs from the receiving body and become the expert on them.’

Become really conscious of the body beneath your palms and fingertips, observe how it reacts to different types of touch and pressures.

Front of the body

The second stage of the massage is moving to the front of the body,’ Constance says. By this time, the receiver should be deeply relaxed, so ask them to roll over and spend time massaging every inch of the front of their body. For now, do no more than gently tease the lingam [penis] or yoni [vulva and vagina] by brushing over them as you attend to the rest of the body.

Massage the legs, feet, between the toes, hands, each finger and arms, and pay particular homage to the breasts and belly. These are soft, vulnerable areas in all of us, and it’s incredibly healing to have them massaged gently and with love.’

The lingam/yoni massage

Constance says it’s important to spend at least 20 minutes massaging the front of your partner’s body before moving on to the lingam or yoni massage.

It’s important to be really clear that there is no expected or correct outcome from a lingam or yoni massage,’ she reminds. This massage is a departure from expectations, remember? It’s about giving the receiver the time and space to connect with sensation and pleasure in their body in completely new ways. Because we’re so conditioned to respond to sexual energy in a narrow, goal-oriented way, it’s in the role of the giver to slow the whole process down. Give the energy time to grow, notice how it builds and keep it under control. This takes time and practise, and is why giving an exquisite tantric massage is an art.’

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